Girlception – Gamer Girls, an Urban Legend
- July 6th, 2011
- By Lissy
Girls don’t play MMOs. It’s a man’s world. The last bastion of true broception. Anyone that says they have a pair of hooters and has estrogen running through their veins are obviously lying. It’s a total scam to separate you from your Cloudsong! Or Herald’s Gaiters. Or Shadowmourne. People who say they are girls are definitely fat, hairy, sweaty men sitting in their mother’s basements pretending to be chicks wooing the most gullible manly gamers into giving them preferential treatment. Because as we all know, girls aren’t good at anything, let alone video games. Girls can’t even do a proper push-up!! They have to do it the girly way with their knees on the ground because they’re weak and can’t do anything right.
God hates women too evidently. Original Sin? Totally Kelly Bundy’s fault, even though Adam couldn’t fit his dick in his pants when he saw Kelly in all her glory. And because Christianity is like a giant frat house, we don’t talk about that first chick Adam dated. Man she was fucking crazy!
Remember Jeanne D’Arc? She was all like, “I’m gonna fight like a mans” and all the men are like “LOLZ U A WITCH” and burnt her at the stake. But that’s okay because women finally got the same rights as men in 1920 with the 19th amendment! Right?
It’s almost 2012 folks. It’s been almost an entire century since the fight for women’s rights were supposedly over! Women are still treated like inferiors to men in all walks of life. Men put women down. Women put women down. The cliché of men as the breadwinner still plays a vibrant part in the consciousness of the American people and the world over. Women are baby factories and the act of sex is all about the man. Women don’t eat. Or fart. Or burp. Women are supposed to be perfect. Beings without flaw. Something seen, not heard. And gamer boys put us on a pinnacle because they’ve never seen or met a girl gamer. We’re an urban legend. We’re like Neo from the Matrix, with boobs. One in a billion.
Meeting a girl online after a game of TF2 is something that just doesn’t happen. Right?
Men. Brothers. Countrymen. Lend me your ears. I have some troubling news to break to you.
Women play video games. Not just Bejeweled or Angry Birds. We play Street Fighter. We play World of Warcraft. We play Half-Life 2, Gears of War, and Madden. Those of us with especially good taste play Mass Effect! And some of us are actually good at what we do.
Gamer chicks exist.
My name is legion. For we are many.